New Heathens
9Oct/08Off

It’s AAAALIVE! Bwah-hah-hah!

Oh my little car, without which there would be no New Heathens. Oft I have told the story of how in 2004 a semi truck on the New Jersey Turnpike buggered my little two-door, 1999 Chevy Cavalier rendering its trunk inoperable. I took the insurance payout and financed the first New Heathens record. However my poor, wrinkled, little car would forever more be known as..."The Raisin."

Car ownership in New York flat out sucks. The Raisin's been busted into four times, smashed into countless other times and racked up thousands and thousands of dollars in parking tickets.

And then an MTA bus smashed into my drivers side door, making it stuck shut.

In addition to forcing me to crawl in and out through the passenger side, the wrinkled trunk and awkward door basically turned my car into a big, flashing, neon sign that said, "Attention Police: Pull Me Over!"

When I was ticketed last week in Morristown, NJ for "driving an unsafe vehicle," I knew something had to be done.

Drastic measures had to be taken.

I brought The Raisin to this guy...

Miracle worker/mad scientist Matt Popola

Matt is the main monkeywrencher at Paddy's Auto Body in Newark, NJ. He is THE best mechanic in the New York Metro Area (he plays the New Heathens in his garage and once gave me a discount in exchange for a burned copy of a Bottle Rockets CD).

But could he resurrect The Raisin?

Matt called his henchmen at a junkyard, where the mutilated bodies of automobiles are laid down to an unpeaceful rest, where they are scavenged by the automotive Igors of the world.

First, Matt stitched on a working door...


NEW door

THEN he put on a trunk.


Old trunk...

NEW trunk

Then a turn of a key and, oh my god! It was...egad...

The FRANKENRAISIN!!!

"You fixed The Raisin!" I exclaimed.

"The Raisin?" Matt said. "It looks more like fruit salad now."

What's even more heinous? I took the raisin straight to the Department of Motor Vehicles. It PASSED their inspection! Ha! Now it's licensed to be on the road, maybe right next to YOUR car.

But it's not like your car at all.

There is no other car on earth quite like...The Frankenraisin.

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