New Heathens
10Feb/090

Honestly, I Had No Idea. Honestly.

As if we didn't have enough reasons to hate Alex Rodriguez now he comes out and admits, sort of, that he took steroids.

A-Roid says that back around 2001 he took something his trainer gave him. He's not sure exactly what it was, but he's pretty sure it was a steroid. This admission comes after Sports Illustrated disclosed that he flunked a steroid test in 2003.

Do you really think Rodriguez picked up that copy of SI, smacked his palm to his forehead and said, "So THAT must've been the stuff my trainer gave me!"

Rodriguez' admission sounds disturbingly similar to those of Bonds' and Clemens; that their trainers told them to take some stuff, they did, and if it WAS steroids they had no idea.

MAYBE baseball doesn't have a problem with ballplayers taking steroids, MAYBE baseball has a problem with trainers who SECRETLY GIVE THEIR PLAYERS STEROIDS.

These waterheads' bodies are worth tens of millions. Do you really think they're going to hire somebody to inject unknown substances inside them? Do you really think a trainer would go rogue and just start firing muscle-building, nut-shrinking stuff into his dudes? These guys walk around their clubhouses nekkid, SOMEBODY would notice if a slugger's jockstrap dropped a size, right?

"Hey Jose, uh, there seems to be an inverse relationship between the size of youz pectoral muscles and 'da size of youz, uh, baseballs."

"Wat's 'dis inverse a-whaddyacallit?"

Come on. I think these guys are stupid, but I don't think they're morons. Even I know most everything that's gone into my body in the past few months, and I'm probably worth 1/1,000,000,000th what those guys are. Zicam? Yep. Echinacea? Uh-huh. Alcohol. Guilty. Bison burger. Yes. Slippery Elm tea? Yessir. Could a world class athlete not do the same?

Way to take the "class" out of "world-class athletes" guys.

Let me reiterate my call to put steroid-free Andre Dawson in the Hall of Fame.

(Also heard a sneak version of a great new song called "Willie Mays" by Terry Anderson and the Olympic Ass Kicking Team off their upcoming record. He says it perfectly, "You ain't as great as Willie Mays!" Yep.)

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