New Heathens

Voicemail from my mailman

Y'all remember my friend "Crazy" Harry, right? The guy who delivered mail to my house when I was a kid and taught me how to play the harmonica. Crazy H just had an adventure driving through Sierra Blanca, TX. The same one Willie Nelson and Snoop Dogg had before him. This is a transcript of Harry's voicemail.

"Nate, what a long strange trip it's been. I'm doing 864 across America and I just got out of a Mexican jail. I had all my guns taken and all my reefer taken. And the ATF interrogated me as a fuckin' terrorist for two hours. Fuckin' A it's great. I was in a Quinten Tarantino scene and I didn't have a fuckin' weapon. I felt so fuckin' naked. By god, it was just a-hummin' and a-thumpin' there man. Yeah, the past five days have been some of the most uplifting days since before the war in my life. And here I am on this cross-country trip to Florida. And let me tell you, that state of Texas is one armed, fucking camp. Those people were more afraid of me than I was of them. And they roughed me and they fuckin' cuffed me. And, funny thing, when I got into the jail cell in my fuckin' black-and-white stripes gong horizontal and sometimes vertical on the arms and legs, you know, there's a 35-year-old guy about 6' 2" 195 looks at me and says, "WHATCHOO' IN FOR, GRANDPA? HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!" I gave him the eye for about, like (pause) ten seconds and I said, "Murder, motherfucker. What are you in for?" Shit, everything stood still there for a second. Then I just kinda' winked at him. I said, "Reefer! Just like all you motherfuckers in here!" Hey! Everybody laughed, it was great. I've driven thousands of fuckin' miles and it's just been great. Gimme' a call back, bro."

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  1. I think we might of had the same mailman.

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